You know what I hate? Panty lines. Lately, when I turn sideways to view my silhouette, I've noticed that I'm lumpy. I think I might possibly be the only woman in dress slacks still wearing cotton briefs.
So I got myself a thong. I know what you're saying: "REEEEEOWWWWWWWW." But hey, I ain't trying to be sexy. I'm oversized, remember. I know about the disgust that accompanies the juxtaposition of thongs and big boned girls. I, myself, have snickered and scoffed upon witnessing the top of a thong peeking out the waistband of a size-18 girl's leggins.
And now I'm one of them. A fattie in a thong.
But I assure you that my thong isn't hanging out the top of my pants. Why? Because it's tightly fused to the inside of my ass.
Let me say this: wearing a thong all day with polyester pants really isn't so bad...
...if you like the feeling of crawling across a tight-rope in your birthday suit. Or going on an off-road hayride wearing your favorite crotchless panties. Or having an 'Indian Burn' done on your anus.
The good news is there was ne'er a panty line to be seen on me today. The bad news: I'm going to have to ask my husband to rub some salve in my crack.
12 comments:
But I assure you that my thong isn't hanging out the top of my pants. Why? Because it's tightly fused to the inside of my ass.
Ok, now this? Funny. Seriously.
So sexy
"tightly fused", is just one of the few things we ladies have to do, to keep beautiful. Now you can use your old grannie chonies for other things such as: drying your freshly washed vehicle, a sling for a broken arm, a wind sock, and my favorite a "topsie turban".
-Ronda
Ah, I too have recently joined the thong-tha-thong-thong-thong club. And it's rediculous how absurd these underwear are. I have kept my grannies for pants that aren't quite so thin that I can get away with a little VPL!
Here's the other rediculous thing about fatties wearing thongs. Less frontal coverage, because of the high cut. Which means my fattie fat BIF is poking out on the sides.
I'm too sexy for this blog!
No comment!
A fattie in a thong. You should have included a visual. ;)
At least you have the sense to wear one. My wonderful wifie has weight related self image issues and also screams about pantie lines. When I point to the rather interesting thong in her underwear drawer, I get a cold glare.
Other than anal irritation, aren't they for removing panty lines?
I will have to go on record to register my digust with peeking thongs that are attached to 13 year olds. Wayyyyy too much of that in my world and it is icky.
Thongs rubbing my 'hole are the reason why I hate thongs. Ick. I'd rather deal with panty lines. However I did find some panties at Victoria's Secret that do a great job at getting rid of panty lines while also covering my ass...but sometimes they slide down...Which again is better than sliding into the crack. Lesser of two evils...
Joelle -- why thank you. Funny cuz you know it's true, right?
Kevin -- isn't it though?
Ronda -- love your ideas for what to with the old chonies. Specially the "topsie turban," which, by the way, I've always wanted. My sister Julie has one.
Andrea -- I still have my grannie panties, too! When you mentioned frontal coverage, I didn't realize you meant the bif. I thought you meant the two little hamsters on each side of the panty perimeter.
Kristine -- it was tempting. Very tempting. I could have made you all very nauseous.
Thomas -- duh! You can't mention anything about undies to your wife. No matter what your good intentions, she's going to think it may somehow lead to her having to get jiggy with you.
Itchy -- Victoria's Secret? ARen't there panties like $800 per pair. I got my thong at the 99-cent only store. No lie!
Tony -- I thought you would get a kick out of that. Now, when I reference this blog two days from now, will you suddenly "not remember it"?
Boy, I laughed out loud at this one! "Tightly fused" gave me some not so great mind pictures, but sure made me laugh. Laughed again about the 2 little hamsters in your answers. Have been gone for a week. Boy were you up to a lot of stuff.
Yes a thong really makes you feel sex
Keep up the nice work!!!!!!!!!
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