No, the problem I have is with that slogan. Come on. The happiest place on earth? Have the marketing people at Disney never been to a Dunkin Donuts when the sales staff is being generous with the munchkin allotment? That's what I'm talkin' bout.
I really think they missed the boat on this one. I mean, I could think of a hundred better adjectives that would depict the Disney experience. Like...
The most expensive place on earth (my husband already stole my thunder on this one) or...
The white trashiest place on earth. Did we stand in the Thunder Mountain line with a grown man sporting a big fat hairy torso while being called "paw-paw" and wearing overalls with no shirt underneath? Yes. Is the image burned into my gray matter forever and ever? I certainly freakin' hope so!
The most sexually confused place on earth. If you're a man, with a wife, and you're donning not just Mickey Mouse ears, but GOLD 50th anniversary Mickey Mouse ears, while also proudly displaying your Lion King pin collection on a decorative ribbon around your neck, then you might want to go have a talk with George Michael about gettin' some shit straightened out (or unstraightened out as it were -- har har). Just sayin'.
The most Chineseiest place on earth. Come on. Don't act like I'm being racist. You and I both know that there's a reason the showerhead in our hotel only came up to my boobies. Crap in Disneyland is designed for the little Asians.
Case in point: we saw lots of this...
And this...
And, of course, this....
Well, as they say in China: "Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man who run in front of car get tired."
11 comments:
Vicki-
I have been lurking for a little while. Hope you don't mind if I link to you on my blog as another cop's wife. Your posts crack me up!
Have never been to Disneyland, only Disneyworld, but I can definitely share your gripes about the most expensive place on earth! I'm sure there isn't much difference in the two, other than the World not being quite as landlocked as the Land.
I think the guy you saw with the gold Mickey Mouse ears and Lion King pin collection was the Rev. Ted Haggard. I think he brought his family there to make up for the man ass and drug scandals he is involved in. You know those gay haters, they love Disneyland and man ass too (as long as they don't get caught).
P.S. Welcome back!
If Good Old Minority hating Walt was still alive, the Disny Parks wouldn't pander to Asians or any other folks other than good old Paw Paw.
There wouldn't be Euro Disney. It would be more like "Europe Sucks, But Disney Universe in Paris ROCKS because it is American."
I too hate all that is a Disney Theme park. For the money you pay, you should be able to kick Mickey's ass.
Something like the Ultimate Disney Kung Fu Adventure where you get to have a cage fight with any Disney Character of your choice.
I am thinking that putting a bitch slap down on Goofy might take care of some of my inner rage.
Vicki and All, Welcome home!!! And Tinkerbell? And was it a small world after all?
Hey Vic, if it is so bad why have you gone there -- is it 3 or 4 times? You know you love it. However, I think the worst part is standing in long lines for everything. It takes a whole day to go on 4 rides!
This is one of the better posts I've read. And the first that I seen the word "boobies" in. Gotta tip the hat to that.
Anyways, just want to say I agree with your views on Disneyland. Just think of what that palce will be like 15 or 20 years from now...
Froneamy -- yes, I've seen you post on my hubby's blog. I'd be more than happy to have you link to here! Thanks so much for reading. Disneyworld, by the way, is on my lifelong list of 'to dos' because you can design your own rollercoaster on a computer, then get in a simulator and let it rip. Now THAT is awesome!
Kristine -- so good to hear from you. Yes, it may have been Ted Haggard. He just wanted a massage, you know?
TV -- he he he. so true. You can go kick Mickey's ass anytime. I didn't see a cop in sight!
Tony -- thanks.
Catlover -- Yes, it was a small world. Right down to the pube-height showerhead.
Harley's Mom -- Yes, we stood in line as kids for Pirates at least 2 hours, but at least you and I were always warm in our ponchos!!
chucky -- Thanks for visiting. I'll try to use 'boobie' in sentences more often. Maybe I'll get more hits that way.
Hey, I've never read your blog before, and about half-way through this entry I thought you were really funny.
Then, while still funny, you also have some comments I totally don't agree with. You come off racist and homophobic, both.
I'm not saying that's the case; I'm just pointing it out that sporting Gold Mickey Mouse ears and your Disney pin collection doesn't make you gay, it makes you any number of adjectives from hokey to tacky to eccentric. All vastly different from gay, unless, of course, you're homophobic.
And while yes, there are a lot of Asian people at Disneyland because there are a lot of tourists. Lots of tourists are Asian. The end. By saying "I'm not racist, but..." you might as well send up a skywriter to announce you're about to say something racist.
Anyway, I'm totally not trying to accost you or start anything, but while I agree with a lot of it and your entry, overall is funny, there are a few points that, in my opinion, are just not cool.
Ok, I'm done! :)
(Also, I just totally realized who you are. Just now. But, I still feel it's worth saying, so...*posts*.)
p.s. I might have speculated wrongly about who you are, so my apologies if I have. In any case, I think my points are relevant.
Ok, now I'm done. :)
Joelle,
Thank you so much for your honest comments! I can assure you that I'm not racist or homophobic. I'm an equal opportunity harrasser. You will find that I stereotype often to get a laugh or two. Does that make me a biggot? I certainly hope not.
I started this blog for my friends (many of who are gay and asian by the way!!) and I guess I assume they all know that I'm just being an ass to get a laugh. But, I should perhaps be more considerate of the fact that some (like you) probably don't know me personally and may misconstrue my comments as hateful.
Political Correctness is something I follow to the extreme in everyday situations. But in this blog, I throw caution to the wind and try to bring a smile to someone's face. If I've offended anyone, I'm sorry :) Sincerely.
I saw Ted Haggard at Disneyworld - he goes there because it is closer to Ft. Lauderdale. He was dressed as a pirate and shooting crystal meth with a body builder.
You forgot to mention all of the nice white people who are there to wait on you while all the brown people are hidden behind kitchen doors.
Then there is "Main Street" which nothing more than a bunch shops made to look like libraries and post offices. But this is America and how things look is important, not substance.
Then there are the "Small World" racial stereotypes: Dutch girls in wooden shoes and pigtails, Chinese girls in sarongs, African children dressed up Bantu warriors.
It is a small racist world after all.
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