You know what I hate? The half sneeze. The half sneeze is when a sneeze with really high potential fizzles into nothing but a pierce-pitched sigh, leaving you with the sensation of pop rocks detonating in your nasal cavities.
Here's the thing about a sneeze: it needs to come out. And if it doesn't, your schnoz with tickle. All day. And your eyes will water. And when your eyes water, people assume you're either sad or farting, neither of which is desirable.
Did you happen to know that a sneeze would launch your eyeballs right out of their sockets if you could manage to keep your lids open? It's true. I learned about it on an urban legends site. The sheer force. The magnitudal velocity. A sneeze has somethin' to say.
But the half-sneeze doesn't get to speak its peace. It crescendoes beautifully...
ahh...AHHHH...AHHHHHHHHHH... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
then..
psflt
Sissy sneeze.
About the only thing worse than a half-sneeze is a sneeze that is thwarted by a violent tongue-biting, otherwise dubbed "the half sneeze plus blood". If I were a man, I would guess that this sensation would be the equivalent of having my nads hammered right before "climax."
6 comments:
SO true..I'm glad someone finally had the nads to write about this. It isn't right, sneeze tease it is.....
***my nads hammered right before "climax."***
Good Lord Lady,
There is something seriously wrong with this statement.
I flinched just reading it.
Anger like this requires power tools and fire, or at least really good meds.
Tony and Thomas -- I LOVE making comments about "nuts" like that. They don't make me flinch. No, not at all. Cause I don't have any. But I never cease to get a rise out of dudes with comments like that. Okay, so I'm going to assume that a pounding of the nads is slightly more insufferable than a tongue-bite-thwarted-sneeze, but still. Those half-sneezes suck. And my metaphors apparently are a little "off" as well.
Kimmy -- See? Now you're a girl, so you didn't feel the need to shudder in response to the nad comment. And you could appreciate the post without flinching.
Maybe we get some state (AZ or TX are best bets) to allow a Clockwork Orange-esque test on some death row inmate to see the eyeball thing in action. Would make for a good pay-per-view event (good for state budget) to rival Geraldo's opening of Al Capone's vault.
God bless you.... and your nads.
good lord, lady. half-sneeze with tongue bite is a walk in the park compared with the other situation. let's not even go there :o
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