You know what I hate? Rich retards. Poor retards, or even middle-class retards, are generally acceptable. But rich retards are just too much of a contradiction. Like, they boggle my brain.
Do you all remember the first grade? Playing dollies with your friends. Chasing boys. Learning how to make a simple sentence. Good times.
But wait? How is it that rich retards seem to have missed the first grade altogether -- particularly that lesson on sentence construction? And how is it that they now make double what I make? And last, how is it that they are finding me contract jobs as a, gasp...writer?
Here is a sample of a sentence written by the rich retards at the consulting firm that is prostituting me out to other companies for a profit. This comes from their "official" HR manual:
"Clients tell us this...97.5% Client Satisfaction index, over 92% of our Associates welcome back...are just some of the ways that say so."
I did NOTHING to this sentence. I swear! I didn't add the ellipses, didn't make it sound worse than it already was, didn't make it up.
Sad. So terribly sad.
The lesson: screw the first freakin' grade! Who needs it?
7 comments:
UUH..........what?
I think there are limited people who appreciate this Vicki...best left to the gramma distro list!!
(think about the rich retards we work with to illustrate my point!)
That makes no sense. None. Zero. It makes me feel retarded trying to figure out what they are trying to say. Oh gawd. Am I? Am I stupid? Did I miss something? I gotta go lay down. Or lie down. Or which is it? Oh no...I've gone cross-eyed...
Catlover -- I know, huh?
Andrea -- I know; I know. Most people don't appreciate a "grammar mistakes" mailing list as much as we do. But, this one just had to be shared to a broader audience. It was THAT BAD.
Itchy -- he he har har hoo hoo. I can never figure the whole lay/lie/laid out either. Now that you're cross-eyed, maybe the sentence will make more sense to you.
It is those damn teachers. They need to be flogged and tortured.
They need to teach shit, not get them in touch with their feelings.
I feel your pain. The fact that an 8th grader can look at a list of important people on the board for quiz and ask me "Does spelling count" when all they have to do is write the name on their paper in the proper blank kills me.
Gramar and spelling. They can't do it and I am pretty sure it is because they aren't taught it anymore.
Then again I teach history and what the hell do I know?
There are more rich retards than we can count. Pretty soon no one will be able to write a sentence. With computers and email language everyone will think "hate" is spelled H8! Whoah Nellie!
This is America! You don't need no book learnin'; you just need initiative!
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