Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Stealing is BAD

You know what I hate? THIEVES. I don't hate thieves for moral reasons as much as for their impact on me personally. Stealers have complicated my life with added inconvenience.

Ever try to buy condoms from the shelves of Walgreens? Probably not, because THEY'RE NOT THERE. Horny thieves have pocketed one-too-many prophylactics and so now, you have to go to the pharmacist and ask him or her to hand you a pack from behind the counter. This, as you all know, is way too embarrassing for the average person, who then resorts to the rhythm method and ends up with 24 kids.

Ever strolled into Kmart with snot dripping out your nostrils and an uncontrollable cough, and you reach your flu-throbbing hand toward the spot where you've always purchased your trusty Sudafed only to find.... IT AIN'T THERE? Instead, there sits a little cardboard sign that advises you to pick the cold medicine up from behind the pharmacy. Why? Because meth addicted THIEVES have pocketed one-too-many Dimetapp tablets so they can cook up their homemade drugs! Annoying!

Ever try to purchase a can of spray paint from Home Depot so you can quickly change a 1-inch knob on your kid's dresser from pink to purple? What's that? The paint is locked behind a steel gate? And you kind find a customer service associate anywhere in sight? And when you do, that customer service associate is helping some guy buy the stuff to frame a 3000-square-foot house and will get to you when he's done? Oh, yeah, for that, you can thank the THIEVES who have pocketed one-too-many ozone (and lung) wrecking cans of spray paint so they can take it home and sniff it to get high. Double Annoying!

And, last but not least, my favorite. Ever try to go to Bookmans to purchase the "Bible to Go" as a download to your palm pilot, so that when you're in a meeting at work, you can reaquaint yourself with a little John 3:16 or a tad of Romans 12:1? Well, forget about it, because the "Bible To Go" has been lifted from Bookman's shelves one-too-many times, so now it's encased in a tamper-resistant shield which can only be opened by the Bookman's manager who may or may not be on duty when you feel the urge to purchase the "Bible to Go." For this, you can thank all those hoodlums who sniffed a little paint, cooked up a little meth, then went on a crime spree of massive proportions -- first a murder of an opposing gang member, then an armed bank robbery, then a beating of a homeless man, then a stop at Bookmans for a "Bible To Go" heist. What a lovely world we live in...

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

You hit the nail on the head. If a thief would stop and think about what they are doing instead wanting something for free, prices would not be driven up.
Kim

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I hate theives too....someone once stole my car. Can you believe that? ( they did give it back)

Anonymous said...

hmmmm....

I hate thieves too, like the ones who take our taxes and redistribute them to corporations, especially arms contractors. And then there are the thieves who raise the price of oil constantly eventhough they own Iraq's oil fields now. And the thieves who buy an acre of land that has one house on it, knock the house down, and then build 40 townhomes there and charge the same price for each home as they paid for the house they knocked down.

As for purchasing "unmentionables": try an online drugstore. ;)

Anonymous said...

they lock up my razors WITH those condoms at Frys, again because of the thieves, and so I can't even shave without getting embarassed

Anonymous said...

Well, my car got broken into this morning, right outside my house. They broke the window, took my DVD/CD player deck, amplifer, subs, my CD case with all original cds and my LAPTOP. Over $2500 of hardworking earned money and someone can just come and take it away, there is no justice, theives suck....!

Anonymous said...

you know, ive been ripped off in my adult boutique store in Newport Australia about once a week and i dont call the police, i handle them with slander and abuse while i push them out on the street so everyone in the street notices. i hate theives to the point that i shake. i wonder one day what i will be capable of doing to them. Typically they are junked up, some are old grandmas, others are in groups so that one attracts your attention while the other rips you off. I logged onto google to find a site about retail theft but there is none, so my key words were “i hate theives” and your site was the first to appear. why cant we post there picture on a site in every country, just so everyone gets an update everyday. thats payback but its illegal here in australia. who wins???? they do.

Anonymous said...

I caught a neighbor of mine sneaking into my garage once to steal. I ended up fucking the shit out of his tight whole since he didn't want the cops called! Those are the good thieves!

Anonymous said...

You guys know what?! I'm 16 And I stole hair dye from rite aid. Not to look cool. Because Im broke and needed it. So don't stereotype me as them because I Am not them. So get the F*** over is!

Anonymous said...

Fuck