You know what I hate? Wet cheeks. And no, I'm not referring to a little dewy mist just above the jaw area. The other cheeks. So how do they get wet, you're probably wondering. Well, because somewhere along the way, idiot women decided that they were so pristine that they needed to stand up to pee so as to not get a tiny little germ on their ass."Stand up to pee? But isn't that what a man does?" men may ask. Yes. It is. And it's also what hyper-hygienic idiot women do. And it needs to stop.
Why? Because now I have your piss all over my hind parts. Here's the thing: women have no experience with this whole "stand and aim" stuff. There were no cheerios floating in the commode when we ladies were young. Just our asses nestled against the natural curvature of the porcelain ring. Yin and Yang. Then, somewhere along the line, women decided that sitting down to urinate was far too archaic. And they decided that they were way too diva-like to share ass germs with anyone else. So they started doing the "hover over the toilet" routine. And piss got everywhere. But they didn't care. Why? Because they are selfish divas.
So, exactly what are you protecting? It's an ass, not a dinner plate! It's supposed to be dirty. That's why they have that phrase, "dirty ass." Duh.
Paradox: you avoid at all costs your buttocks coming into contact with a possible microscopic germ but then you'll turn around and deep-throat your husband's stinky and dirty wang? Where's the logic, lady toilet hoverers? Where's the logic...
3 comments:
Not all women spray if they hover, and not all hoverers who spray are selfish divas. But instead of sitting in strangers urine just wipe it or hover too.
Agree with the general complaint of people being hung up on germs unnecessarily. It's not like these are toilets in some hell-hole Guatemalan women's prison or something. Also, I don't understand why the hoverers don't raise the seat to avoid messing it up. if they are going to hover, they don't need the seat so should not keep it down and sully it, unless they fear they might lose strength and need the seat in an emergency if their legs give way.
I stand up, I admit, but in my defense, I do wipe any spray afterward. My mother always told me that it was necessary to make sure there are no germs that could be crawling up your butt. I know it's silly, but I was young and impressionable and that thought has stuck with me ever since. Covering the seat with toilet paper is also a good technique.
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