Sales and Suckers

You know what I hate? Persuasive Personalities. Why? Because they can generally get me to do/say/buy anything. It's a combination of naivete and not wanting to hurt Persuasive Persons' feelings that causes me to generally concede to whatever it is they are trying to "sell" me. I've always been a sucker for Persuasive Personalities. In college, I was cornered by an extremist Christian coalition that strong-armed me into their bible study which I attended for about 6 months even though I hated it. I didn't have the "guts" to say no to them. Shortly after college, I dated a guy I hardly could stand -- for, like, a year. Then there was the guy on the mountain the other day. That is where this story begins...

I was hiking North Mountain, minding my own business, when I came upon a seniorly gentleman wearing sweat pants that were about 2 sizes too small and some funny looking tennie shoes that looked yellow and crusty -- possibly purchased at the T,G&Y dimestore about two decades prior to this occasion. I smiled politely, as all exercisers do, as I passed his slow ass on the right. Through my headphones, I thought I heard something, so I turned back. He was yapping away at me. I slowed to his pace and, begrudgingly, removed my headphones.

Within 20 minutes, I knew EVERY last detail of this boring guy's life. I also knew that the few yellow teeth he had left were in dire need of a brushing -- and a mouthwashing while we were at it! He proceeded to yap away at me for the next 40 minutes. I couldn't break away. I felt like a child who had been abducted. People coming the other direction would look at me like they knew I was being held against my will, but I didn't have the nerve to cry for help.

What's interesting about this seemingly "innocent" old man is that he, indeed, was the father of all Persuasive Personalities. I didn't realize what a sales job he had done on me until after my hike, when my idiocy finally started to sink in. I'd told him my whole name, husband's name, children's names, where I was parked and what days/times I hiked North Mountain. I may as well have told him where, when and how I'd like to be raped and murdered. Needless to say, I've since switched to hiking Squaw Peak. This brush with death (or at least stalker-hood) was enough of a scare for me.

When my husband got home that evening, I told him of my strange experience with this old, yellowy stalker. When I told him I had given out my whole name -- including my middle name -- he got a little upset. This is one of those instances that causes my husband to say, in complete earnestness, "are you sure that you're not partially retarded?" The last time he said it was when I divulged my social security number to a nice woman who called me on the phone. I didn't realize what a "boo-boo" I'd made until she promptly hung up on me after I'd given her the number. I had to put a fraud alert on my credit report after that Persuasive Lady suckered me.

So, now you know why I hate Persuasive Personalities. I think they smell a sucker when they see one. And I'm a really strong-smelling sucker. I probably shouldn't even have told this story. If I get any suspicous calls asking for my credit card number, I might just give it to you!