Backin' It In

You know what I hate? People who back it in. Now, before your mind heads toward the gutter, I'm referring to VEHICLES. Backing in defies nature. We are taught to read from left to right, taught to wipe from front to back and taught to park front-in. So, why then, do certain annoying people with no life decide to go against the grain and back it in? I ran into a backer-inner the other day at QT. My mouth was watering for a big 44-ounce Diet Coke. The saliva would hardly hold itself in as I neared closer to the front door. A truck in front of me ditched the empty parking space to our right and headed left. I started to front-it-in to the empty space. But...wait...what in the? He was heading toward me -- ass first! He was taking the space afterall. Bass-ackwards. He progressed slowly. Pulling forward then back, then forward then back. Opening the door to look, then forward and back, forward and back. Hellbent on dead centering himself. Meanwhile, I'm stuck behind him, dying of thirst. Ten minutes has elapsed. I am HATING that back-in bastard.

Why do people back it in? They might try and tell you that it's a time-saving effort; that they simply situate themselves in a manner most conducive to leaving quickly. But how can they justify backing in as a time-saving maneuver when it takes 10 minutes to get into that position?

Have you ever noticed that it's often-times old men who back it in? I suspect for them, it's a daily tinkering ritual, much like putting the American Flag out or polishing a bowling ball or checking the golf cart's tire pressure. I have nothing against tinkerers -- as long as they tinker on thier own clock! Besides, is backing in really a satisfying way to waste time? Wouldn't these old-timers be happier volunteering for the Sherriff's posse, or driving little clown cars in the Shriner's parade? Would they park the clown cars back-first, too?

If you are someone who backs it in, I encourage you to front-it-in like the rest of us, and find another outlet for your boring life. I've heard that underwater basketweaving is quite stimulating...