Nobody actually likes the fat in real meats. Fat particles are simply an unfortunate by-product of lazy-ass cows who refuse to take a walk now and then. So, why would a manufacturer replicate this disgusting symbol of bovine indolence in a vegetarian meat? They must know that there's a reason we vegetarians stopped eating meat.
I have some ideas to make the fake meat even more authentic and I'm going to write and suggest them to Yves. First of all, if they could replicate a vein, that would be sweet! Nothing fools your mind into thinking you're eating real meat more than biting into a rubbery artery. Second, some genetically engineered pig hair mixed into the blend would really authenticate the "ham". Last, but certainly not least, perhaps little fake hoof particles within the meat batter would jazz things up for us vegetarians who never get the pleasure of busting a bridge open with some unexpected hoof and bone action.
On a similar subject, somehow, our household of vegetarians got on a mailing list that yielded an invitation to a wonderful "Meat Market." I can't, for the life of me, figure out what we must have purchased or subscribed to that would result in our being on the "meat market mailing list." Maybe it's my husband's recent subscription to "Cops" magazine that did it. Cops do love their meat.
At first, I was disgusted by our invitation to the meat market. Then, as I continued to read, I realized that this was no ordinary meat market. It is actually a smorgasbord of useful vendors all conveniently located on one place. Not only can we cash our paycheck while there, but we can visit the Mexican pharmacy for some cheap Viagra and pick up a pinata for the next kids' birthday! What convenience! I'm wondering what other fun treats are in store for us at the Meat Market? A pedicure? Five-minute massage? Colonic Irrigation? Viva la Meat Market!
6 comments:
I agree somewhat about the fake meat products; however, texture is what meat is about. We can duplicate and scent or taste chemically now, but it is the texture that can be a problem.
Some manufacturers don't have either down, and some do.
Cows are not lazy. Factory farms place cows in pens for the duration of their lives, and these pens prevent them from even turning around. The males are placed in the same size pens behind the cows so that they can mount them whenever they please. Lovely
Yes, I know cows aren't lazy. I was just joking. I feel very sorry for them actually. But not as sorry as I felt for the giant bull in a 2-inch x 2-inch pen at the Rustler's Rooste, where I had the "joy" of eating last night! The only thing Americans love better than a big juicy steak is a wild animal confined for their entertainment. Poor bull. What a life.
You know, that bull at Rustlers Roost is a sad affair..and so is the so called "roast beef" from Fry's Deli. Keep up the Blogs...Someone is reading them.
your funny. keep up the entries.
You are a talented and gifted writer. I read your blog every day and can't wait for the next installment.
FYI > > > that picture is SICK, makes me only want to east fruit.
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