I know what you're asking yourself right now...is that a jacket or a festive halloween bustier? Judging from my pushed-down flatties, it's certainly not a bustier -- since there's clearly no "boost" or "bust" to speak of! It's a jacket, dammit. And it's a size "Large." I'm not a huge woman by any means, so why does a size "Large" fit me about as well as my daughter's Cabbage Patch Kid Clothes? It's because of the Juniors Department. I think we need to shut down this concept of Juniors having their own miniature clothing line with the same numbers-system as the Misses Department. You know what I mean -- I'm a size 12 in Misses, but the size 12 in Juniors can't be wedged past my calves without a crowbar. We've all been there.
Average-sized women enter the Juniors Dept feeling their weight is acceptable, and leave the Juniors Dept feeling like they want to cash in their 401K for some gastric bypass surgery. Why is everything so tiny? Who invented Juniors, anyway? I think I read once that it was Hitler. I'm sure it had something to do with his notion of the perfect woman -- white, blue-eyed and 83 pounds. He was an ass.
I like the clothes in the Juniors section at Penneys a lot better than those in the Misses section. Is it really fair that my options are either elastic-waisted pants and vests with teddy bears on them or skin-tight jackets that look like bustiers? I guess I should look at this new section called "Juniors Plus." That section is for all the 'gigantic' juniors weighing in the 100 - 120 range. Those fatties should be ashamed of themselves.
Who came up with the names of these departments, anyway? I always get confused with all the fancy department-store language. Misses, Women's, Petites, Juniors, Missy (some stores still use that one. Really.). If I were in the textiles industry, I'd open a store that "tells it like it is." Here would be my sections:
-- Regulars
-- Anorexics
-- Fatties
-- Near-Midgets
-- Missy (which I would keep, only you can't enter unless your name is Missy or Melissa. Then people will realize how dumb this naming convention is).
Would you know which section to go to based on my classifications? Exactly.
You know what else I hate? When you're all wound around in a department store going from one section of clothes to the other, when all of a sudden, you see something really cute and go to find your size and see that dreaded "P" behind it! Suddenly, you realize your fat and tall ass is standing in the Petites. This is especially embarrassing when you're made up of Amazon proportions (5' 9 and a half"). Not that I'd know. And did you ever notice that when you suddenly realize where you're standing, every little muchkin in that section seems to be watching you? And doesn't it seem like you grow a few hundred inches as you try to non-chalantly stroll on outta there like the Jolly Green Giant with bricks in his shoes? Petites shouldn't have their own section. It's too hard on tall people's self esteem. "Get a tailor you lazy asses."
10 comments:
Hilarious. I feel the same way. And, clothes aren't standard in size. Try to buy something that is your size and your odds are 1 in 3. 1 - it will fit, 2 - it will be too small, 3 - it will be too large (this one is really cnofusing as you believe you somehow lost weight without really trying, but only until you try on the next item. M
what's a Junior Dept?
Right on! Junior departments exist in order to perpetuate astnadard of beauty that most women can't reach. That creates desire: the desire to lose weight, regain one's youth, be "attractive" and "sexy," etc.
Of course the Junior department has clothes that appeal to you more. This is done on purpose. 30 year olds are not "old" but their bodies change. Retailers know this, but they know that they can sell a lot more products if 30 year olds get depressed over having to wear frumpy clothes.
The same kind of thing happens to me. Because I am a 40 year old male, I am supposed to wear knaki shorts, button-down madras shirts, and huaraches. yuck. Becuase I continue to wear punk shirts, dickies jeans, and docs, many men look at me like I am an imbecile incapable of maturing.
is there a fatty/almost miget (together) section. Cause fat and short is much more difficult than just one or the other. Oh yeah, add pregnant to that. Yes, I need a Fatty/Pregnant/Midget department. (and you think your life is bad)...
OMG you are Hilarious!!! I am a plus size women so the same thing happens to me with the misses size. God help us all we are screwed!!
Thanks for this article! I totally agree with you that the sizing is ridiculous! I fit about a size 13 in Juniors but a size 9/10 in Misses. I like to shop in the Juniors section for their styles, but it is very discouraging that I suddenly jump 4 sizes just by walking across the isle to a different section! -Kara
SHOP ON-LINE ! I am not a shut in but I know the stress all to well about your problem .I have to wear juniors pants because I am a half of a inch to tall for petite and I am 31! I am not ultra thin .I am not a large person either .You will find more sizes than at the store it self ! You can go to the department store and find nothing but 0,3,5,7/8's but on-line you will find every size offered by that store big and small! Don't have a stroke go to Penny's on-line ,you will be a happier person.
thing is, people who dont fit into kids or womans shop in juniors. because thats the only place they can shop. and you know what? sometimes when they like clothes, they buy them. if you didnt have a womens department, you woldnt like it much either.
I laughed so hard I was crying trying to read this to my family. The timing is perfect. I just got back from shopping with my 12 year old daughter who has the family amazon genes. Very tall for her age. Her size fits her height but not the junior section. The junior section is a nightmare for her. Everything is cut for the very thin. The junior plus sizes are huge on her. She can wear misses sizes but she hates the style. We both appreciate this blog. Thanks for the laugh!!
Being 14 and 5'10 in a half,a size 13 in juniors, its hard to find jeans, skirts, dresses, etc. They need to make a "giant" section too that says 5'10 and over.
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