Thursday, August 17, 2006

Hating the 80s

You know what I hate? That 'The 80s' are back in style. I said goodbye to my leg warmers, my drop-waisted dresses, my lace-fringed leggins and my flourescent green string-bean tie. And I haven't really missed them.

The issue I have with 'The 80s' being back in style is that 92% of the population of Arizona is still wearing clothes and hairstyles from that decade! Walk onto the campus of any local call center and you'll feel immediately transported to a Tiffany concert. Spiral perms, teased bangs, sun-tanned hoisery. Ouch!

Except now, these spandex-donning-has-beens are on the cutting edge of au couture! And I, in my bootcut pants (I refuse to buy "skinny jeans" in a size 14 -- the irony is too overwhelming), will appear so...last year.

Say it ain't so.

The fact is, it's too soon for the styles of 'the 80s'to come back. I'm a child of that decade, and I haven't even had my 20 year reunion for God's sakes. Didn't we skip a few decades to resurrect? I haven't seen a poodle skirt in my lifetime, yet I'm having to weather the Flashdance fringe-sweatshirt twice? How is that fair?

I just finished growing my hair out --bangs and all. It was pure hell getting there. And it's all for naught! Because in order to be 80's glam, I'm gonna need to taper the sides a bit.

Like this, from my sophomore yearbook:

On the left! (I included my cross-margin counterpart as a public service reminder that pot does indeed kill brain cells.)

Go ahead. Make a joke or two about my appearance.

"What do you get when you sandwich a cherrio between two petrified marshmallows? MY EARRINGS!"

"The Flock of Seagulls called -- they said Fred Flinstone wants his hairstyle back!!"

Funny. Yeah, funny. I'm laughin' all the way to Supercuts.

4 comments:

Itchy said...

OH...the braces! I've gotta go home and look at my sophomore pictures. Oh lord...the braces. My whole face was braces!

Vicki Stockton said...

Itchy -- but they sure bring a youthful look to the face, don't they?

Marc Schoenfeld said...

Man, the ozone looks like it took a serious hit for the sake of that 80's hair.

Also, don't forget everyone wearing giant orange-tinted sunglasses now. I keep thinking I see cast members from Falcon Crest walking down the street after they somehow found a wrinkle in time.

Vicki Stockton said...

Marc -- love the observation on the sunglasses. Falcon Crest -- my God! I wouldn't have remembered the show existed were it not for your mention of it. Good times the 80s. Good times.